All posts by bryanajparry

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About bryanajparry

I'm a failing writer who hasn't quite given up the dream of becoming a success. Can you fix it for me to become a successful writer?

“Frozen” (The Musical) #FrozenMusical

cue whacky characters, animal sidekicks … songs, and general Disney shtick.

Buy tickets to the West End show here

These days I don’t go to the theatre much, so I don’t bother to review shows anymore. However, I recently took my daughter (4 1/2) to watch Frozen: The West End Musical. So here’s my quick assessment.

I assume you’re familiar with the story, but here’s a brief summary for the uninitiated (those aged 25 and above who have no children or grandchildren): a princess cursed with Midas-like all-who-she-touches-turns-to-ice magic powers struggles to be close to her sister for fear of freezing her — cue whacky characters, animal sidekicks, wholesome adventure, songs, and general Disney shtick.

The stage show follows the story, characters and even dialogue of the film very closely, only wisely departing in order to accommodate the different medium that is theatre. For example, the snow troll makes no appearance (it would have been an expensive technical nightmare and would have added nothing to the show) and Oaken, of Wandering Oaken’s Trading Post fame, now has a wonderful little musical number involving his apparently sauna-dwelling family.

So it gives everyone everything they’d want. There is an argument that a two hour long show (the film comes in at an hour and forty-two) should have been able to iron out some of the plot wrinkles of the film, fleshing out the story. Nonetheless, the show didn’t overstay its welcome, and it just scraped not being too long for the little’uns in the audience: some looked like they were on the verge of blowing.

The special effects were great. The musical numbers were as show-stopping as ever. The only slightly jarring thing in the performance that I saw is that young Elsa was race-swapped with a black girl. I wasn’t the only person who found this a bit odd. Of course, there is nothing per se wrong or bad about this; the issue was really that grown-up Elsa was played by a white woman(!) This seems like an odd choice and I’m not sure why it was made, but it didn’t harm the show apart from a few minutes of evident confusion on the part of a number of kids.

A great adaptation of the film and one you surely must see with your kids. We sat in the second-worst seats in the house, and the view was still plenty good; no need to shell out 150 quid a ticket when 30 will do. As an adapted show, in the vein of Lion King and co, I will give this a 4 out of 5, but as a show in its own right, I think 3/5 is fair. So, on average 3.5, rounded, a 4/5.

4/5

© 2023 Bryan A. J. Parry

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Netflix Review “Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted” (2012) #NetflixFilmReview

I don’t know if Madagascar 3 is where the series jumps the shark or where it realises its potential

Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted sees our groups of lovable archetypes animals — the leader one, the wise-cracking sidekick one, the neurotic skinny one, and the chunky bombastic one that the neurotic skinny is in love with — back for a new adventures in every location bar Madagascar.

The lack of time spent in Madagascar must surely open the producers up to false advertising, as this time round we’ll be taking in a tour of Monte Carlo, London and New York, as our animals struggle to get back home to their New York zoo after their penguin-piloted plane has another mishap.

I don’t know if Madagascar 3 is where the series jumps the shark or where it realises its potential fully. Or both. It is even less realistic than the previous outings, physics-defying nonsense abounds, and is chock full of exciting set pieces and chases. However, the storyline is far more developed, with our crew at one point finding itself involved in a travelling circus troupe. We also have a classic Disney-style crazy female baddie, but rebooted post Terminator era — an unstoppable adversary.

This threequel is simply full of so much stuff. Nonetheless, on the whole the balance is just right. Plus, the jokes are amusing, and there are fewer cultural references which is a bonus (usually, the references increase as the sequels go on and the writers run low on inspiration).

Entertaining stuff, but it’s no Shrek.

3/5

© 2023 Bryan A. J. Parry

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Netflix Film Review: “Nimona” (2023) #NetflixReviews

Nimona’s zany shtick gets old quick

A disgraced knight, sworn to a code of honour, Ballister Boldheart, and a hyperactive shapeshifter, scorned by all, Nimona, team up to root out corruption at the centre of their kingdom.

Based on the graphic novel by ND Stevenson, and set in a futuristic mediaeval world, Nimona‘s bold science fantasy setting is refreshing in itself and is portrayed gorgeously: the animation, the character and set design, the direction, it’s all a joy to experience. The story zips along and the two main characters make for an entertaining double act, Ballister the straight man and Nimona the comedy man.

My use of the terms “straight” and “man” are a bit ironic, as the film is unashamedly LGBTI+. Ballister is gay, but that is never the focus of the story, and his lover is a dashing man named Ambrosius Goldenloin(!), and then there’s the casting of RuPaul of RuPaul’s Drag Race fame(!) All this plus the science fantasy setting helps to give an enjoyable and slightly campy vibe reminiscent of The Hunger Games or The Fifth Element. Nimona “her”self, the shapechanger, is apparently a cypher for writer ND Stevenson who is “non-binary, or something like it” — his words (he also uses any gendered pronoun).

But that leads us to the only bum note, and it’s a pretty big one: Nimona herself comes off as an ADHD, egoist who is hyped up on a speedball of caffeine, sugar and E numbers 102, 104, 122, 129 and 211. Basically, she is less charming than she is meant to be; her zany shtick gets old quick. Stevenson has also stated that he himself has ADHD and is bipolar; Nimona is basically Stevenson, or something like it. Setting aside LGBTI+ issues for a moment, any character this hyperactive, unstable and egoistic who does not have an arc where they try to fix that aspect of themselves — indeed, that aspect is lauded — is always going to make for an irritating and hard-to-sympathise-with character. Stevenson would have done better to divorce the non-binary narrative from his own ADHD and bipolar. There seems to be no real reflectiveness on this character flaw or even acknowledgement that this is indeed a character flaw; where is Nimona’s journey?

Nonetheless, this is a very entertaining film. Beautiful and quirky. It’s just a shame Nimona wasn’t slightly more likable or on a journey to overcome her character flaws.

4/5

© 2023 Bryan A. J. Parry

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Is This Blog Allergic to 1 and 5 Stars?

perfect means perfect … awful means awful

Scrolling through this blog, you will notice that there are very few one star or five star reviews. But why? Is it because I intentionally only watch mediocre content, avoiding the peaks and valleys on purpose? Not at all, I love watching excellent films and awful films (although I may not yet have recovered from Ghost Story): excellent films because, well, they’re excellent, and awful films because, well, have you ever seen Mystery Science Theatre 3000?

The reason for the scarcity of one and five star reviews on this blog is simple. Unlike most people, especially on Amazon, who just give something a one or a five, the numbers mean something for me.

If a film is worthy of a five out of five perfect rating, it means it is pretty much a masterwork, virtually unimprovable, and probably a film of such importance that it will likely go down as one of the greatest movies of all time. That is what a perfect score means: perfect.

On the other hand, if you are getting a one, that means your product has nothing redeemable or good about it, or that the flaws are just simply overwhelming. That is what an awful score means: awful.

In reality, most things are either good, a bit poor, or really good. That is, 3 stars, 2 stars or 4 stars respectively. Very little in life in truly perfect, or truly awful. Just like how very few people are actually truly physically ugly or stunning; the overwhelming majority of people fit into the three to seven bracket.

And there we have it.

Weirdly, after binning the 5 stars system in favour of thumbs up / down, Netflix has recently introduced thumbs down, up, or double thumbs up. They’re well on their way back to a five star system, although perhaps by another name. I’m waiting for YouTube to follow suit.

© 2022-2023 Bryan A. J. Parry

Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power Season One Summary 100 Word Review #100WordReview #AmazonReview #LOTR #RingsofPower

poorly conceived, amateurish fanfic

Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power is the adaptation of the beloved works of J. R. R. Tolkien. One billion dollars well spent? No.

The acting is mostly poor. The dialogue is weak. The characters, for the most part, have no character. The plot arcs are either absent or sketched out, much like the characters. The motivations for characters are weak, unclear and / or non-existent. Things often just happen for no apparent reason, let alone because of the actions of the characters. And there is too much sloppy mystery box, cliffhanger nonsense that never leads anywhere.

Disappointing, poorly conceived, amateurish fanfic.

2/5

© 2022-2023 Bryan A. J. Parry

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Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power Season One Summary #AmazonReview #LOTR #RingsofPower

But being 2022, satire has overtaken reality

Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power is the adaptation of the beloved works of J. R. R. Tolkien. Let’s take a moment to think about what that actually means.

  • Tolkien’s books have sold over 200,000,000 copies,
  • been translated into dozens of languages,
  • the Peter Jackson film adaptation (2001-2003) won seventeen Oscars,
  • and grossed 3 billion,
  • and have been described as some of the greatest movies of all time,
  • the books themselves having been famously described by The Times thus: “The English-speaking world is divided into those who have read The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, and those who are going to read them”.

And Amazon has allegedly thrown 1 billion at the show, making it the most expensive of all time.

So no pressure then.

In 2016 I jokingly predicted a 2022 Lord of the Rings spoof series thus: “It’s time to go back down the Hobbit hole, but this time using all the appendices and flabby bits that Walsh, Boyens, and Jackson wisely left out of the films”. But being 2022, satire has overtaken reality. This series has indeed been carefully constructed from the appendices, footnotes and old bits of crumpled-up post-it notes.

When this series began, I was determined to not compare it to Tolkien’s original work, but to evaluate it on its own terms. Tolkien is a high bar to meet, and I feel that would be a handicap for any show. Indeed, that’s why I esteem the Jackson-Boyens-Walsh trilogy so much, as their work was not only excellent on its own terms but also on the terms laid down by Tolkien. Yet even by my looser desire to merely see a great show on its own terms, rather than a great show which does true justice to the beloved late Professor Tolkien’s works, and despite being someone who desperately wants this show to succeed, I just cannot give any episode more than a three out of five, and even then the threes are being scraped; indeed, I wonder how much my misplaced loyalty to the world of Middle-Earth is colouring my views and pushing me towards lenience to this show.

the overall vibe is an amateurish fanfic

This series has some good moments and some bad moments. But the overall vibe is an amateurish fanfic, but a fanfic not even set in Tolkien’s universe but rather set in a universe designed to nod to Tolkien’s. I’m not sure why or how a great company like Amazon with a great IP like this has managed to produce this substandard piece of work.

You can read my episode reviews, both long and short form, for the details. But the whole endeavour can be summed up fairly simply.

The acting is mostly poor. The dialogue is weak. The characters, for the most part, have no character. The plot arcs are either absent or sketched out, much like the characters. The motivations for characters are weak, unclear and / or non-existent. Things often just happen for no apparent reason, let alone because of the actions of the characters. And there is too much sloppy mystery box, cliffhanger nonsense that never leads anywhere.

The only way forward for Amazon is with (1) new showrunners and (2) an effective soft reboot for season two (remember how Troi and Picard in Star Trek: The Next Generation or Monica in Friends , to name but two examples, were fundamentally changed with no in-show commentary after season one?).

A quick look at my review straplines sums the whole thing up.

Carefully constructed from the appendices, footnotes and old bits of crumpled-up post-it notes

The Rings of Power: a cure for insomnia

Gimli 2 shows signs of being a genuinely interesting character

Constantly being reminded of British comedians probably isn’t what Amazon was hoping for with its casting decisions.

the writers … fulfil the age-old writing adage of “tell not show”…

…two thousand year old teenager Galadriel

… Legolas 2 … Gimli 2 … Aragorn 2 … Probably-Gandalf …

showing us Sauron so soon…. giving us the money shot from a flaccid chub.

I only spent half the time distracted [this episode] … hardly a ringing endorsement

a memberberry wrapped in a mystery box just for the sake of it

Bad lines badly delivered

makes no sense … no Keyser Söze moment here … one of the dumbest red herrings I have ever seen.

one of the dumbest fake reveals ever

Michael Palin lookalike Celebrimbor

Galdriel suspects … that Halbrand isn’t the king that, err, Galadriel made him out to be

This is a kind of “Darth Vader” situation, isn’t it?

the disappointing and fairly nonsensical ending that this poor first season deserves

All in all, a big let down.

2/5

© 2022-2023 Bryan A. J. Parry

featured image from https://www.frezila.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/The-Lord-of-the-Rings-The-Rings-of-Power.jpg

Netflix Film Review: Cargo (2017)

a cerebral human drama … unlike any other zombie flick you’ve ever seen

Stranded in the Australian Outback after a zombie apocalypse, Andy (Martin Freeman) tries to navigate the dangerous terrain to safeguard the life of his baby daughter. But he must battle not only zombies and other desperate humans who will do whatever it takes to survive, but also the enemies within which threaten to derail his bid to save his daughter’s life.

Cargo is a refreshing take on the zombie apocalypse delivered coolly by debutantes writer-director Yolanda Ramke and co-director and producer Ben Howling based on their own 2013 seven minute short film of the same name.

I don’t even want to call it a zombie film. Why? Because that will turn off the prospective audience for what is a cerebral human drama. It really is different to any zombie flick.

The beautiful but stark Australian landscape, believable performances from Martin Freeman and his on-screen wife Kay, Susie Porter, as well as Andy’s guide through the wilderness Thoomi, Simone Landers in her debut role, and the realistic-feeling portrayal of an aboriginal culture, make this film unlike any other zombie flick you’ve seen.

Ramke and Howling deserve extra credit for never going in for cheap scares or thrills, resisting the urge to Wolf Creek it up, and having the confidence to tell their epic story in their own way and at their own pace. It even made for a fresh change to see a return to the shambling, disco-ordinated zombies of yore rather than the Usain Bolts we’ve come used to after 28 Days Later.

A gem that’s well worth it’s 88% Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. An artistic (but not artsy or pretentious), visually compelling, refreshing take on the zombie genre.

4/5

© 2020, 2023 Bryan A. J. Parry

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Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power S1E8 150 Word Review “Alloyed” #AmazonReview #LOTR #RingsofPower #150WordReview

makes no sense … no Keyser Söze moment here … one of the dumbest red herrings I have ever seen.

REVIEW CONTAINS PLOT SPOILERS

The season finale of Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power finally reveals the identity of Sauron, we see the forging of the eponymous rings, and we (probably) find out who the Harfoots’ Stranger friend is. All great stuff. The problem? The episode is total nonsense.

Sauron’s initial fake identity reveal is poor. No Keyser Söze moment; rather, one of the dumbest, most see-through red herrings I have ever seen.

The idiocy continues. The greatest smith in history, Michael Palin lookalike Celebrimbor, doesn’t know about alloying metals(!) I, a lowly English teacher, have this knowledge.

The show ends on two big reveals. Probably-Gandalf is… probably Gandalf. And Halbrand is… hang on a sec. Halbrand. Hal Brand. Hal. Hell. Brand. Like fire. Literally, “Hell Fire.” This is a kind of “Darth Vader” situation, isn’t it? Yes, Halbrand is Sauron. Dumb.

Bad plotting, a lack of characterisation, poor acting, shoddy dialogue, stuff that just doesn’t make sense. The disappointing and fairly nonsensical ending that this poor first season deserves.

2/5

© 2022-2023 Bryan A. J. Parry

featured image from https://static1.cbrimages.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/sauron-and-ruler-ring-from-lord-of-the-rings.jpg

Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power S1E8 Short Review “Alloyed” #AmazonReview #LOTR #RingsofPower

makes no sense … no Keyser Söze moment here … one of the dumbest red herrings I have ever seen.

REVIEW CONTAINS PLOT SPOILERS

The season finale of Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power finally reveals the identity of Sauron, we see the forging of the eponymous rings, and we (probably) find out who the Harfoots’ Stranger friend is.

one of the dumbest fake reveals ever

The episode starts with the reveal that the whole season has been centred around and building up to: the identity of the dark lord Sauron. Except there’s no Keyser Söze moment here; this is one of the dumbest, most see-through red herrings I have ever seen.

Michael Palin lookalike Celebrimbor

That’s not the only thing that’s impossible to believe in this episode. The greatest smith in history, legendary Michael Palin lookalike Celebrimbor, doesn’t know about alloying metals(!) I am an English teacher with almost no practical skills so to speak, and yet even a lowly bug such as I know about the concept of alloying metals, and how this can be a beneficial process.

The three witches, or whatever they are

The dodgy acting that has been a hallmark of this show continues. Sadoc tries to save Nori from, something, in a quite unbelievable way. Celebrimbor seems to be becoming seduced by powah. The three witches, or whatever they are, have a final stand-off with Probably-Gandalf, and it’s totally ridiculous again.

Galdriel suspects … that Halbrand isn’t the king that, err, Galadriel made him out to be

The characters and plot are still weak. Galdriel suspects what most people have suspected for a few episodes now: that Halbrand isn’t quite the king that, err, Galdriel made him out to be. Indeed, he might be thoroughly naughty. So gets a spy to look into Halbrand’s past but then talks to her super-duper-secret-spy in front of everyone, Halbrand included. Dumbest. Sh*t. Ever.

This is a kind of “Darth Vader” situation, isn’t it?

The show ends on two big reveals. Probably-Gandalf is, indeed, probably Gandalf. And Halbrand is… hang on a sec. Halbrand. Hal Brand. Hal. Hell. Brand. Like fire. Literally, his name is “Hell Fire.” This is a kind of “Darth Vader” situation here, isn’t it? Yes, Halbrand is Sauron. Dumber than that is how Galadriel doesn’t tell anyone. Dumber still is how The Artist-Formerly-Known-as-Halbrand-Currently-Known-as-Sauron doesn’t kill her when he has the chance, merely opting to scarper.

the disappointing and fairly nonsensical ending that this poor first season deserves

Bad plotting, a lack of characterisation, poor acting, shoddy dialogue, stuff that just doesn’t make sense. The disappointing and fairly nonsensical ending that this poor first season deserves.

2/5

© 2022 Bryan A. J. Parry

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Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power S1E7 150 Word Review “The Eye” #AmazonReview #LOTR #RingsofPower #150WordReview

“He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone”. Inspiring stuff.

“The Ring” opens with Hellish scenes: beautiful, evocative and compelling visuals reminiscent of the Fassbender version of Macbeth. Absolute carnage.

That’s about it for the good stuff. The bad?

Flabby dialogue and awful acting ruin anything remotely good. “He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone”. Inspiring stuff. And the plotting is non-existent. Gimli 2’s wifie suddenly becomes a power-crazed Lady Macbeth — a good idea, but there was no character arc. A shame, because the quadrangle of Gimli 2, Legolas 2, Gimli 2’s Dad and Dwarven Lady Macbeth Gimli 2’s wifie is one of the few things in this series that had potential.

The show’s like a billion dollar budget fanfic, but less professional. The name reveal of “Mordor” is one of the most absurd things I have ever seen in all of my life.

Speaking of absurd, how did everyone survive a volcano going off in their face? No explanation is, or can be, given.

Poor.

2/5

© 2022-2023 Bryan A. J. Parry
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