Tag Archives: Erik the Viking

Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power S1E8 Short Review “Alloyed” #AmazonReview #LOTR #RingsofPower

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makes no sense … no Keyser Söze moment here … one of the dumbest red herrings I have ever seen.

REVIEW CONTAINS PLOT SPOILERS

The season finale of Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power finally reveals the identity of Sauron, we see the forging of the eponymous rings, and we (probably) find out who the Harfoots’ Stranger friend is.

one of the dumbest fake reveals ever

The episode starts with the reveal that the whole season has been centred around and building up to: the identity of the dark lord Sauron. Except there’s no Keyser Söze moment here; this is one of the dumbest, most see-through red herrings I have ever seen.

Michael Palin lookalike Celebrimbor

That’s not the only thing that’s impossible to believe in this episode. The greatest smith in history, legendary Michael Palin lookalike Celebrimbor, doesn’t know about alloying metals(!) I am an English teacher with almost no practical skills so to speak, and yet even a lowly bug such as I know about the concept of alloying metals, and how this can be a beneficial process.

The three witches, or whatever they are

The dodgy acting that has been a hallmark of this show continues. Sadoc tries to save Nori from, something, in a quite unbelievable way. Celebrimbor seems to be becoming seduced by powah. The three witches, or whatever they are, have a final stand-off with Probably-Gandalf, and it’s totally ridiculous again.

Galdriel suspects … that Halbrand isn’t the king that, err, Galadriel made him out to be

The characters and plot are still weak. Galdriel suspects what most people have suspected for a few episodes now: that Halbrand isn’t quite the king that, err, Galdriel made him out to be. Indeed, he might be thoroughly naughty. So gets a spy to look into Halbrand’s past but then talks to her super-duper-secret-spy in front of everyone, Halbrand included. Dumbest. Sh*t. Ever.

This is a kind of “Darth Vader” situation, isn’t it?

The show ends on two big reveals. Probably-Gandalf is, indeed, probably Gandalf. And Halbrand is… hang on a sec. Halbrand. Hal Brand. Hal. Hell. Brand. Like fire. Literally, his name is “Hell Fire.” This is a kind of “Darth Vader” situation here, isn’t it? Yes, Halbrand is Sauron. Dumber than that is how Galadriel doesn’t tell anyone. Dumber still is how The Artist-Formerly-Known-as-Halbrand-Currently-Known-as-Sauron doesn’t kill her when he has the chance, merely opting to scarper.

the disappointing and fairly nonsensical ending that this poor first season deserves

Bad plotting, a lack of characterisation, poor acting, shoddy dialogue, stuff that just doesn’t make sense. The disappointing and fairly nonsensical ending that this poor first season deserves.

2/5

© 2022 Bryan A. J. Parry

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Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power S1E7 150 Word Review “The Eye” #AmazonReview #LOTR #RingsofPower #150WordReview

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“He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone”. Inspiring stuff.

“The Ring” opens with Hellish scenes: beautiful, evocative and compelling visuals reminiscent of the Fassbender version of Macbeth. Absolute carnage.

That’s about it for the good stuff. The bad?

Flabby dialogue and awful acting ruin anything remotely good. “He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone”. Inspiring stuff. And the plotting is non-existent. Gimli 2’s wifie suddenly becomes a power-crazed Lady Macbeth — a good idea, but there was no character arc. A shame, because the quadrangle of Gimli 2, Legolas 2, Gimli 2’s Dad and Dwarven Lady Macbeth Gimli 2’s wifie is one of the few things in this series that had potential.

The show’s like a billion dollar budget fanfic, but less professional. The name reveal of “Mordor” is one of the most absurd things I have ever seen in all of my life.

Speaking of absurd, how did everyone survive a volcano going off in their face? No explanation is, or can be, given.

Poor.

2/5

© 2022-2023 Bryan A. J. Parry
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Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power S1E7 Short Review “The Eye” #AmazonReview #LOTR #RingsofPower

2-5, episode review, TV, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dwarven Lady Macbeth Gimli’s wifie

Episode seven of The Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power, “The Ring”, opens with Hellish scenes: beautiful, evocative and compelling visuals reminiscent of the Fassbender version of Macbeth. Absolute carnage, apart from Galdriel who is somehow still standing. Effective, shocking and wonderful imagery.

Sadly, that’s about all that’s good. The problems? The flabby dialogue and acting ruin anything remotely good. “He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone” and “what cannot be known hollows the mind, fill it not with guesswork” inspiring stuff that was surely homaged (a.k.a. nicked) straight from the pages of Henry V. Verily, I sensed the tongue of Lawrence Olivier on the brain of some of these players and screenwrights. Bad lines badly delivered: this is a case where two negatives don’t make a positive.

An emotional moment between Gimli 2 and Legolas 2 was probably the best moment of the season so far. The quadrangle between this duo, Gimli 2’s Daddy and Dwarven Lady Macbeth Gimli 2’s wifie is probably the most interesting component in the whole show and one of the few that has any flesh on its bones at all. Nonetheless, Wifie’s transformation is all-of-a-sudden and has no arc attached to it. That’s a shame, as it surely would have been a good character arc had they actually bothered to do it.

Bad writing. Bad acting. Characterless characters. A lack of character arc. And plot points that make no sense. The few good moments only serve to highlight how truly awful everything else is. The show is like a billion dollar budget fanfic. But even the most amateurish and deranged fanfic wouldn’t handle the name reveal of “Mordor” like LotR: RoP does in this episode; truly, this was one of the most absurd things I have ever seen in all of my life.

Oh, and actually, let’s think about that compelling opening scene: how did everyone survive a volcano going off in their face? The writers didn’t even go with the cop outs of a deus ex machina or the “it was all a dream” tosh. The characters just… survived. That’s all. I bet the denizens of Pompeii must be kicking themselves.

The episode makes no sense. The characters are not characters and they have no arc. The series doesn’t hang together.

2/5

© 2022 Bryan A. J. Parry
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Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power S1E6 150 Word Review “Udûn” #AmazonReview #LOTR #RingsofPower #150WordReview

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a memberberry wrapped in a mystery box just for the sake of it

In Episode 6, everything happens and nothing happens.

The orcs invade, Adar’s identity is revealed, the evil sword’s purpose is exposed, and the finale is, err, explosive. But it’s a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing. We simply don’t care about the characters, the dialogue is awful, and nothing makes any sense — especially the ending. Thus, the action is less active and more like a bunch of random stuff happening.

Also, the series is nothing more than a soft reboot of LotR, a memberberry wrapped in a mystery box just for the sake of it. There’s probably-Gandalf, Legolas 2, Gimli 2, basically-Hobbits, Female Sam and Frodo, and so on. We’ve also got pseudo-ring (the broken sword) and pseudo-Gollum (what’s-her-face’s son).

As for the ending… I don’t see how the series can even continue, short of a cop-out “it was all a dream” or a deus ex machina “resolution”.

Just about passable — if you don’t think about anything.

3/5

© 2022-2023 Bryan A. J. Parry

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Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power S1E5 150 Word Review “Partings” #AmazonReview #LOTR #RingsofPower #150WordReview

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I only spent half the time distracted [this episode] … hardly a ringing endorsement

Episode 5, “Partings”, sees the Southlanders split between two factions — those who are going over to the dark side and those who will stand and fight. We also witness the Queen of Númenor having to make a fateful decision.

Definitely stronger than the previous episode. I only spent half the time distracted, and I remained conscious. Yet hardly a ringing endorsement.

The big problem continues to be the characters — and that really is a fatal flaw. What actually motivates them? The Queen of Númenor’s fateful decision is incomprehensible. Galadriel continues to resemble a teenage fan fiction version; petulant, stupid, arrogant, essentially angsty and definitely not a good guy.

However, on a plus point, black-guy-who-is-the-friend-of-the-guy-who-is-supposed-to-be-Isildur shows signs of potentially maybe having the possibility of becoming an okay character, eventually.

Let’s see if this season has the exit velocity to launch us into a hopefully much improved season two. That’s the best we can hope for at this stage.

3/5

© 2022 Bryan A. J. Parry
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Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power S1E4 “The Great Wave” #AmazonReview #LOTR #RingsofPower #300WordReview

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The Rings of Power: a cure for insomnia

Rings of Power Episode 4, “The Great Wave”, involves more Númenor-based Elven hijinks, the big reveal of the mysterious Orc man-God “Arda”, and a Dwarven secret.

There were some good bits. Gimli 2 shows signs of being a genuinely interesting character. The visuals continue to be pretty. The role of the Zummerzet-by-way-of-Kingston-Jamaica-cum-Dublin sort-of hobbits was mercifully minimised. Sadly, the bad is starting to outweigh the good in LotR: RoP.

Galadriel sounds exactly like Kate/Bob from Blackadder II; Female Sam: Dawn French; Celebrimbor: Monty Python‘s Michael Palin. Constantly being reminded of British comedians probably isn’t what Amazon was hoping for with its casting decisions and its investment of one billion dollars.

The writers fulfil the age-old writing adage of “tell not show”… They also mistake a swell of music for a character arc. Poor writing, no characterisation, exposition dumps. This is shaping up to be the anti-Tolkien. Things also just happen because they have to in order to move the plot along. When Legolas 2 (as I’m calling him) copies Gimli 2’s (as I’m calling him) kids’ knocking game and opens up a secret chamber containing a priceless ore, my jaw-dropped — at the absurdity of it all. Also, why is Galadriel a two thousand year teenager? I know actual teenagers who have out-matured Our Lady. Pay-offs happen before we’re made to care about characters, for example, a big meant-to-be-dramatic falling out between Isildur and his mates, two guys we barely remember and don’t at all know.

We just don’t care about these shallow, barely thought-out characters, and there are no clear stakes. I fell asleep twice while trying to watch this. A cure for insomnia is probably not what Amazon was hoping for when they ploughed a billion dollars into this series.

Bored of the Rings? Yes.

2/5

© 2023 Bryan A. J. Parry

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Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power S1E1&2 “A Shadow of the Past” and “Adrift” 150 Word Review #AmazonReview #LOTR #RingsofPower #150WordReview

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Carefully constructed from the appendices, footnotes and old bits of crumpled-up post-it notes

The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power tells the tale of the second age of Middle Earth, some thousands of years before the events portrayed in the Lord of the Rings. Carefully constructed from the appendices, footnotes and old bits of crumpled-up post-it notes from Tolkien’s rubbish bin, LOTR:ROP will take us back to experience the world of J. R. R. Tolkien once more, a world of good versus evil, dragons and treasure, duty and honour, and prosthetic ears.

What has one billion dollars got Amazon? A lot of memberberries, apparently. It’s a soft reboot of LOTR: Galdriel, Legolas 2, Hobbits Harfeet Harfoots, a dark lord, juicy maps, Probably-Gandalf. But it’s all in a 2022 stylee: black hobbits and elves, Female Frodo and Female Sam, lots of powahful women who don’t need no man.

Episode one and two were enjoyable. Not what we feared, but not what we hoped for. Let’s see how the series develops.

3/5

© 2023 Bryan A. J. Parry

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Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power S1E8 Review “Alloyed” #AmazonReview #LOTR #RingsofPower

2-5, episode review, TV, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

makes no sense … no Keyser Söze moment here … one of the dumbest red herrings I have ever seen.

REVIEW CONTAINS PLOT SPOILERS

The season finale of Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power finally reveals the identity of Sauron, we see the forging of the eponymous rings, and we (probably) find out who the Harfoots’ Stranger friend is.

one of the dumbest fake reveals ever

The episode starts with the reveal that the whole season has been centred around and building up to: the identity of the dark lord Sauron. Except who he is revealed to be makes no sense. For a second I was like “No!” in open-mouthed astonishment at the scriptwriters’ genius. And then a moment later, I was like, “Oh, actually, no” in open-mouthed astonishment at their stupidity. No Keyser Söze moment here, I’m afraid. This is one of the dumbest fake reveals / red herrings I have ever seen. It’s supposed to make the actual reveal of Sauron at the end of the episode all the more shocking as we are meant to think we now already know who Sauron is. But Sauron so obviously isn’t the person the episode opening would have us believe, that we simply don’t believe it.

Michael Palin lookalike Celebrimbor

That’s not the only thing that’s impossible to believe in this episode. The greatest elven smith in history, and therefore the greatest smith in history, the legendary Michael Palin lookalike Celebrimbor, doesn’t know about alloying metals. I am an English teacher with almost no practical skills so to speak, and yet even a lowly bug such as I know about the concept of alloying metals, and how this can be a beneficial process. Also, the plot point that the elven race will die if the tree dies, and that somehow the metal mithril will stop this, makes less and less sense the more you think about it.

The dodgy acting that has been a hallmark of this show continues. Sadoc tries to save Nori from, something, in a quite unbelievable way. Celebrimbor seems to be becoming seduced by powah. The three witches, or whatever they are, have a final stand-off with Probably-Gandalf, and it’s totally ridiculous again.

Galdriel suspects … that Halbrand isn’t the king that, err, Galadriel made him out to be

The characters and plot are still weak. Galdriel suspects what most people have suspected for a few episodes now: that Halbrand isn’t quite the king that, err, Galdriel made him out to be. Indeed, he might be thoroughly naughty. So she does her usual thing of rushing around and causing chaos. This time she gets a spy to look into Halbrand’s past. But then she has her top secret spy simply walk in in front of everyone, Halbrand included, and present her a scroll. Not suspicious or attention-drawing at all. Everyone looks around at her, as well they might. Dumbest. Sh*t. Ever.

This is a kind of “Darth Vader” situation, isn’t it?

The show ends on two big reveals. Probably-Gandalf is, indeed, probably Gandalf. And Halbrand is… hang on a sec. Halbrand. Hal Brand. Hal. Hell. Brand. Like fire. Literally, his name is “Hell Fire.” This is a kind of “Darth Vader” situation here, isn’t it? Yes, Halbrand is Sauron. Dumber than that is how Galadriel doesn’t tell anyone. Dumber still is how The Artist Formerly Known as Halbrand Currently Known as Sauron doesn’t kill her when he has the chance, merely opting to scarper.

the disappointing and fairly nonsensical ending that this poor first season deserves

Bad plotting, a lack of characterisation, poor acting, shoddy dialogue, stuff that just doesn’t make sense. But apart from all the show, the show isn’t half bad. Honestly, this is the disappointing and fairly nonsensical ending that this poor first season deserves.

2/5

© 2022 Bryan A. J. Parry

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Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power S1E7 Review “The Eye” #AmazonReview #LOTR #RingsofPower

2-5, episode review, TV, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SOME SPOILERS

Bad lines badly delivered

Episode seven of The Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power, “The Ring”, opens with Hellish scenes, and beautiful, evocative and compelling visuals reminiscent of the Fassbender version of Macbeth. Absolute carnage, apart from Galdriel who is somehow still standing. Effective, shocking and wonderful imagery. But seriously, how is she still alive?

The problem as ever is that all the flabby dialogue and acting ruins anything remotely good. “He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone” and “Soldiers, soldiers, the roof’s about to fall down” and “what cannot be known hollows the mind, fill it not with guesswork” inspiring stuff that was surely homaged (a.k.a. nicked) straight from the pages of Macbeth or Henry V. Indeed, I sensed the tongue of Lawrence Olivier on the brain of some of these players and screenwrights, or so the showrunners and the showrunners alone clearly think. Bad lines badly delivered: this is a case where two negatives don’t make a positive. The way they almost got crushed by a tree was so bad, the acting so comical, that it completely ruined the beautiful visuals. So terribly discordant, once again.

An emotional moment between Gimli 2 and Legolas 2 was probably the best moment of the season so far. This is probably the most interesting relationship along with that between Gimli 2 and his Dad. Indeed, the best acting comes from Gimli 2’s Dad played by Peter Mullin. But they still managed to ruin this mini-success in the show by Gimli 2’s wife being more of a man than him in almost every single way. Gimli 2’s wife indeed has suddenly become Lady Macbeth in this episode, although I’m not sure where the character arc was that led to this. Although that surely would have been a good character arc had they actually bothered to do it.

Fundamentally, the problem remains that we’re just not that invested in the characters, and the odd good moments only serve to highlight how truly awful everything else is. Probably-Gandalf is handed an apple by Female Frodo, swell of music, but we just don’t care no matter how loud they lay that score on.

WHICH YARDSTICK?

When this series began, I was determined to not compare it to Tolkien’s original work, but to evaluate it on its own terms. Tolkien is a high bar to meet, and I feel that would be a handicap for any show. Indeed, that’s why I esteem the Jackson-Boyens-Walsh trilogy so much, as their work was not only excellent on its own terms but also on the terms laid down by Tolkien. Yet even by my looser desire to merely see a great show, rather than a great show which does true justice to the beloved late Professor Tolkien’s works, and despite being someone who desperately wants this show to succeed, I just cannot give any episode more than a three out of five, and even then the threes are being scraped; indeed, I wonder how much my misplaced loyalty to the world of Middle-Earth is colouring my views and pushing me towards lenience to this show.

This series has some good moments and some bad moments. But the overall vibe is an amateurish fanfic, but a fanfic not even set in Tolkien’s universe but set in a universe designed to nod to Tolkien’s. I’m not sure why or how a great company like Amazon with a great IP like this has managed to produce this substandard piece of work.

SILLY STUFF

And why does Galadriel love doing stuff “at first light”? It’s really getting silly now. Oh wait, hang on, it’s gets sillier still: the way the name reveal of Mordor was handled has to be one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen. It was absolutely stupid.

Oh, and actually, how did everyone survive a volcano going off in their face? The writers didn’t even go with the cop outs of a deus ex machina or the “it was all a dream” tosh. The characters just… survived. That’s all.

IN SHORT

The episode makes no sense. The characters are not characters and they have no arc. The series doesn’t hang together.

2/5

© 2022 Bryan A. J. Parry

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Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power S1E6 Review “Udûn” #AmazonReview #LOTR #RingsofPower

3-5, episode review, TV, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

a memberberry wrapped in a mystery box just for the sake of it

In Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power Episode 6, “Udûn”, we find out who Adar really is, the orcs try to take the Southlanders’ village, the evil broken sword’s true purpose is revealed, and there is an explosive finale.

A lot of action, for a change, but it’s a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing. I had to work quite hard to pay attention as I was fairly bored again. And I want this series to be good, I’m really trying here. These dramatic moments, and to be fair there were several in this week’s outing, aren’t that interesting as we just don’t care about the characters and we just don’t care about the world. And then there’s the shoddy dialogue. No amount of dramatic music and explosive action can remedy these fatal flaws.

“One cannot satisfy thirst by drinking seawater”. We’re back to the Shakespeare-level lines here. The dialogue isn’t getting any better as this series goes on.

Big emotional moment between Galdriel and Halbrand. She stops Halbrand killing someone. Then they sit down like proper hombres together. “Thank you.” “No, thank you” “Thank you” “Thank you” “You saved me” “You saved me” Etc. I expected them to get down to it right then and there. It’s all just a little bit sh*te.

This show has since the beginning heavily featured plagiarised versions of characters we love in order to kind of soft reboot the Lord of the Rings: there’s probably-Gandalf, Legolas 2, Gimli 2, basically-Hobbits, Female Sam and Frodo, and so on. We’ve also got pseudo-ring (the broken sword) and pseudo-Gollum (what’s-her-face’s son), but we don’t care. And when we find out what the pseudo-ring / broken sword is for, it doesn’t really make any sense. Kind of like it was merely a memberberry wrapped in a mystery box just for the sake of it.

The episode was marginally stronger than average. Mainly because stuff was actually happening, at last, and there was none of the stupid Gimli 2 – Legolas 2 bromance, no Zummerzet-Irish hobbits, and none of that Númenorean stuff which has always felt like a different show. Nonetheless, it just doesn’t make sense. Especially the ending. I don’t see where we go from here… There is literally no way the series can even continue after this week’s finale, short of a cop-out “it was all a dream” or a deus ex machine ending.

Most episodes are barely scraping a three-star review, but whereas most episodes are just about passable in isolation, the series itself as a whole simply isn’t hanging together in any way that makes sense. The mystery box broken sword exemplifies that. So far, Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power is far less than the sum of its very imperfect parts.

3/5

© 2022 Bryan A. J. Parry

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