But being 2022, satire has overtaken reality

Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power is the adaptation of the beloved works of J. R. R. Tolkien. Let’s take a moment to think about what that actually means.

• Tolkien’s books have sold over 200,000,000 copies,
• been translated into dozens of languages,
• the Peter Jackson film adaptation (2001-2003) won seventeen Oscars,
• and grossed 3 billion,
• and have been described as some of the greatest movies of all time,
• the books themselves having been famously described by The Times thus: “The English-speaking world is divided into those who have read The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, and those who are going to read them”.

And Amazon has allegedly thrown 1 billion at the show, making it the most expensive of all time.

So no pressure then.

In 2016 I jokingly predicted a 2022 Lord of the Rings spoof series thus: “It’s time to go back down the Hobbit hole, but this time using all the appendices and flabby bits that Walsh, Boyens, and Jackson wisely left out of the films”. But being 2022, satire has overtaken reality. This series has indeed been carefully constructed from the appendices, footnotes and old bits of crumpled-up post-it notes.

When this series began, I was determined to not compare it to Tolkien’s original work, but to evaluate it on its own terms. Tolkien is a high bar to meet, and I feel that would be a handicap for any show. Indeed, that’s why I esteem the Jackson-Boyens-Walsh trilogy so much, as their work was not only excellent on its own terms but also on the terms laid down by Tolkien. Yet even by my looser desire to merely see a great show on its own terms, rather than a great show which does true justice to the beloved late Professor Tolkien’s works, and despite being someone who desperately wants this show to succeed, I just cannot give any episode more than a three out of five, and even then the threes are being scraped; indeed, I wonder how much my misplaced loyalty to the world of Middle-Earth is colouring my views and pushing me towards lenience to this show.

the overall vibe is an amateurish fanfic

This series has some good moments and some bad moments. But the overall vibe is an amateurish fanfic, but a fanfic not even set in Tolkien’s universe but rather set in a universe designed to nod to Tolkien’s. I’m not sure why or how a great company like Amazon with a great IP like this has managed to produce this substandard piece of work.

You can read my episode reviews, both long and short form, for the details. But the whole endeavour can be summed up fairly simply.

The acting is mostly poor. The dialogue is weak. The characters, for the most part, have no character. The plot arcs are either absent or sketched out, much like the characters. The motivations for characters are weak, unclear and / or non-existent. Things often just happen for no apparent reason, let alone because of the actions of the characters. And there is too much sloppy mystery box, cliffhanger nonsense that never leads anywhere.

The only way forward for Amazon is with (1) new showrunners and (2) an effective soft reboot for season two (remember how Troi and Picard in Star Trek: The Next Generation or Monica in Friends , to name but two examples, were fundamentally changed with no in-show commentary after season one?).

A quick look at my review straplines sums the whole thing up.

Carefully constructed from the appendices, footnotes and old bits of crumpled-up post-it notes

The Rings of Power: a cure for insomnia

Gimli 2 shows signs of being a genuinely interesting character

Constantly being reminded of British comedians probably isn’t what Amazon was hoping for with its casting decisions.

the writers … fulfil the age-old writing adage of “tell not show”…

…two thousand year old teenager Galadriel

… Legolas 2 … Gimli 2 … Aragorn 2 … Probably-Gandalf …

showing us Sauron so soon…. giving us the money shot from a flaccid chub.

I only spent half the time distracted [this episode] … hardly a ringing endorsement

a memberberry wrapped in a mystery box just for the sake of it

Bad lines badly delivered

makes no sense … no Keyser Söze moment here … one of the dumbest red herrings I have ever seen.

one of the dumbest fake reveals ever

Michael Palin lookalike Celebrimbor

Galdriel suspects … that Halbrand isn’t the king that, err, Galadriel made him out to be

This is a kind of “Darth Vader” situation, isn’t it?

the disappointing and fairly nonsensical ending that this poor first season deserves

All in all, a big let down.

2/5

© 2022-2023 Bryan A. J. Parry

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