Tag Archives: HBO

HBO/Netflix Series I Wanna See Get Made #Netflix #StargateReboot #Earthsea #Discworld

August 6, 2021random#MovieReviewsBlog, Chariots of the Gods, DS9, Earthsea, fantasy, Game of Thrones, GoT, HBO, Netflix, Philip K. Dick, Phillip Pullman, sci-fi, Science fiction, scifi, series I wanna see get made, SF&F, Star Gate, Stargate, Terry Pratchett, The Man in the High Castle, TNG, Ursula Le Guinn, Von Däniken, wishlistbryanajparry

We’re living in a golden age of TV series, especially for fantasy and science fiction adapted from works of literature.

We’re living in a golden age of TV series, especially for fantasy and science fiction adapted from works of literature. I’m thinking especially Game of Thrones and The Man in the High Castle. And I’m now keenly awaiting the upcoming BBC series based on Phillip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy. This gives me hope that maybe some other of my favourite books might get adapted — and adapted well! I previously foretold there would be a series of Lord of the Rings, and it’s actually now happening.

Earthsea. Classic Ursula Le Guinn fantasy series set on a world of islands. This phenomenal world of creative genius needs a wider audience.

Discworld. This could actually be multiple series, with each based on one set of characters. Each book more-or-less can be one season, all books could form the whole series. Focus on maybe wizards, city watch, death, nowt else. Or a series based on one of the set of characters, e.g., the City Watch, but with each book more-or-less being a season. In any case, there are loads of great characters and stories to come out of the fertile mind of the late, great Sir Terry Pratchett.

Stargate. I want a total reboot, remake, reimagining of the Stargate and SG1 franchise. Get back to the basics of the Von Däniken “Chariots of the Gods” theory that the very most ancient gods were actually extraterrestrials, keep it with the Egyptian and Babylonian gods. Stargate SG1 had a very Star Trek: The Next Generation vibe of intergalactical banterous romp; I would want a reboot to have a darker, “edgy” DS9 type vibe.

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Upcoming Movie and TV Reboots: 7 The Best of the Rest #Spoof

June 20, 2021film review, preview, spoof#MovieReviewsBlog, #spoof, @MovieReviewsBlo, Back to the Future, Cabin Fever, Cabin Fever 2002, Cabin Fever 2016, David Bowie, Death at a Funeral, Death at a Funeral 2007, Death at a Funeral 2010, Fantastic Four, Fantastic Four 2005, Fantastic Four 2015, Game of Thrones, George Lucas, GoT, Harry Potter, HBO, Hulk, Hulk 2003, Hulk 2008, J. J. Abrams, J. K. Rowling, Jennifer Connelly, Labyrinth, Labyrinth 1986, Lord of the Rings, LotR, Michael J. Fox, Peter Jackson, Planet of the Apes, Planet of the Apes 1968, Planet of the Apes 2001, Planet of the Apes 2011, Pottermania, reboot, remake, Robert Zemeckis, spoof, superman, Superman 1976, Superman 2006, The Hills Have Eyes, The Hills Have Eyes 1977, The Hills Have Eyes 2006, The Phantom Menacebryanajparry

THE BEST OF THE REST

The Fourth Kind (2022… and again in 2026… and again in 2027)

The idea was just too damn cool. Unfortunately, the film wasn’t.

How we tried to like the 2009 original. That owl idea was just too damn cool. Unfortunately, the film wasn’t. By the way, the reboot(s) won’t be, either. Sorry to break it to you.

Final Destination (2022)

Same plot as the original… and the sequel…

Same plot as the original. And the sequel to the original. And the second sequel. And the third. Aaaand the fourth. But with new actors. $100,000,000 box office?

Hitcher (2024)

REBOOT!

The 2007 remake wasn’t that good, so, yeah… REBOOT!

CREDITS:

Cabin Fever: http://www.dreadcentral.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Cabin-Fever.jpg

Fourth Kind: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jenna-busch/emthe-fourth-kindem-revie_b_342812.html

Final Destination: https://wall.alphacoders.com/by_sub_category.php?id=231695

The Hitcher: http://crypticrock.com/this-week-in-horror-movie-history-the-hitcher-1986/

Labyrinth: http://www.sbs.com.au/comedy/article/2015/11/30/disturbingly-tight-pants-family-movie-labyrinth

Harry Potter: http://aretheyoldenough.com/are-they-old-enough/project/harry-potter-philosophers-stone/

LotR: http://www.androidauthority.com/fellowship-google-free-574980/

X Files: http://www.denofgeek.com/tv/the-x-files/38483/the-x-files-episode-1-spoiler-free-review-my-struggle

Back to the Future: https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn28374-back-to-the-future-does-physics-of-martys-time-travel-add-up/

Star Wars Episode I: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/film/star-wars-episode-i–the-phantom-menace/review/

Left arrow: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/c1/Circle_arrow_left_font_awesome.svg/2000px-Circle_arrow_left_font_awesome.svg.png

Right arrow: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/47/Circle_arrow_right_font_awesome.svg/2000px-Circle_arrow_right_font_awesome.svg.png

Upcoming Movie and TV Reboots: 6 “Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace” (2028) #Spoof

May 30, 2021film review, preview, spoof#MovieReviewsBlog, #spoof, @MovieReviewsBlo, Back to the Future, Cabin Fever, Cabin Fever 2002, Cabin Fever 2016, David Bowie, Death at a Funeral, Death at a Funeral 2007, Death at a Funeral 2010, Fantastic Four, Fantastic Four 2005, Fantastic Four 2015, Game of Thrones, George Lucas, GoT, Harry Potter, HBO, Hulk, Hulk 2003, Hulk 2008, J. J. Abrams, J. K. Rowling, Jennifer Connelly, Labyrinth, Labyrinth 1986, Lord of the Rings, LotR, Michael J. Fox, Peter Jackson, Planet of the Apes, Planet of the Apes 1968, Planet of the Apes 2001, Planet of the Apes 2011, Pottermania, reboot, remake, Robert Zemeckis, spoof, superman, Superman 1976, Superman 2006, The Hills Have Eyes, The Hills Have Eyes 1977, The Hills Have Eyes 2006, The Phantom Menacebryanajparry

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (2028)

Following George Lucas’ death in 2027, a respectful period of around six weeks is observed…

Following George Lucas’ death in 2027, a respectful period of around six weeks is observed before the announcement of the most keenly craved reboot in cinematic history: Star Wars Episode I. Time to cut that cancerous mass, AKA Episodes I, II, III, out of humanity’s consciousness, burn every copy, and pretend they never existed. And this plan definitely wasn’t in the works for years behind George Lucas’ back…

Directed by J. J. Abrams’ protégé’s protégé’s protégé who was poetically born in 1999, the year Phantom Menace was released.

Upcoming Movie and TV Reboots: 5 “Back to the Future” (20??) #Spoof

February 6, 2021film review, preview, spoof#MovieReviewsBlog, #spoof, @MovieReviewsBlo, Back to the Future, Cabin Fever, Cabin Fever 2002, Cabin Fever 2016, David Bowie, Death at a Funeral, Death at a Funeral 2007, Death at a Funeral 2010, Fantastic Four, Fantastic Four 2005, Fantastic Four 2015, Game of Thrones, GoT, Harry Potter, HBO, Hulk, Hulk 2003, Hulk 2008, J. K. Rowling, Jennifer Connelly, Labyrinth, Labyrinth 1986, Lord of the Rings, LotR, Michael J. Fox, Peter Jackson, Planet of the Apes, Planet of the Apes 1968, Planet of the Apes 2001, Planet of the Apes 2011, Pottermania, reboot, remake, Robert Zemeckis, spoof, superman, Superman 1976, Superman 2006, The Hills Have Eyes, The Hills Have Eyes 1977, The Hills Have Eyes 2006bryanajparry

~~Back to the Future (20??)~~

How dare they will have going to have rebooted this classic!

Nooooooo. I can’t even bring myself to joke about this. But I just know it’s going to happen! Despite what Robert Zemeckis says, money talks; just ask Judas. How dare they will have going to have rebooted this classic! Sad face. Possibly justified as someone having gone back to the past from the future and changing the timelines in some kind of Star Trek reboot stylee.

No. Seriously. This will happen.

Upcoming Movie and TV Reboots: 4 “The X-Files” (2025) #Spoof

January 20, 2021film review, preview, spoof, TV#MovieReviewsBlog, #spoof, @MovieReviewsBlo, Back to the Future, Cabin Fever, Cabin Fever 2002, Cabin Fever 2016, David Bowie, Death at a Funeral, Death at a Funeral 2007, Death at a Funeral 2010, Fantastic Four, Fantastic Four 2005, Fantastic Four 2015, Game of Thrones, GoT, Harry Potter, HBO, Hulk, Hulk 2003, Hulk 2008, J. K. Rowling, Jennifer Connelly, Labyrinth, Labyrinth 1986, Lord of the Rings, LotR, Peter Jackson, Planet of the Apes, Planet of the Apes 1968, Planet of the Apes 2001, Planet of the Apes 2011, Pottermania, reboot, remake, spoof, superman, Superman 1976, Superman 2006, The Hills Have Eyes, The Hills Have Eyes 1977, The Hills Have Eyes 2006bryanajparry

The X-Files: the Amazon Prime Series (2025)

African American LGBT activist, Divinity Scully, and zany new-age Jew, Davina Duchovny

Once the new X-Files series (starting 2016) got cancelled after two seasons, it was only a matter of time before a reimaginized reboot would happen. Relive the story anew of the odd couple that was African American logical smart-thinking LGBT activist, Divinity Scully, and white middle-class zany new-age Jew, Davina Duchovny, as they investigate the paranormal — all at the tax-payers’ expense.

Note: this article was originally written in 2016, and the prediction about only two seasons of the new X-Files has actually come true!

Upcoming Movie and TV Reboots: 3 “Lord of the Rings: The Series” (2022) #Spoof

December 17, 2020film review, preview, spoof, TV#MovieReviewsBlog, #spoof, @MovieReviewsBlo, Back to the Future, Cabin Fever, Cabin Fever 2002, Cabin Fever 2016, David Bowie, Death at a Funeral, Death at a Funeral 2007, Death at a Funeral 2010, Fantastic Four, Fantastic Four 2005, Fantastic Four 2015, Game of Thrones, GoT, Harry Potter, HBO, Hulk, Hulk 2003, Hulk 2008, J. K. Rowling, Jennifer Connelly, Labyrinth, Labyrinth 1986, Lord of the Rings, LotR, Peter Jackson, Planet of the Apes, Planet of the Apes 1968, Planet of the Apes 2001, Planet of the Apes 2011, Pottermania, reboot, remake, spoof, superman, Superman 1976, Superman 2006, The Hills Have Eyes, The Hills Have Eyes 1977, The Hills Have Eyes 2006bryanajparry

The Lord of the Rings: the HBO series (2022)

Starring Sean Bean — who dies again.

After scrabbling around for something, anything to replicate the success of Game of Thrones (finished 2018), HBO finally hits upon the idea of a Lord of the Rings series(!) It’s time to go back down the Hobbit hole, but this time using all the appendices and flabby bits that Walsh, Boyens, and Jackson wisely left out of the film, in an all new, ten-episodes-a-series, eight-series epic. Starring Sean Bean — who dies again.

Note: this article was originally written in 2016, and this prediction has actually come true (kinda)!

TV Review: Game of Thrones Season 7 and Look Ahead to Season 8 #GoTS7 #GoTS8 #SpoilerSweats

September 20, 2017Uncategorized#SpoilerSweats, Aidan Gillen, Alfie Allen, Art Parkinson, Arya, Bran, Brienne of Tarth, Bronn, Carice van Houten, Catelyn Tully, Cersei Lannister, Charles Dance, Conleth Hill, D. B. Weiss, Daenerys Targaryen, David Benioff, Davos Seaworth, Dean-Charles Chapman, Eddard "Ned" Stark, Emilia Clarke, Game of Thrones, George R. R. Martin, GoT, Gwendoline Christie, Harry Lloyd, HBO, Isaac Hempstead-Wright, Iwan Rheon, Jack Gleeson, Jaime Lannister, Jerome Flynn, Joffrey, John Bradley, Jon Snow, Kit Harington, Lena Headey, Liam Cunningham, Lord Varys, Maisie Williams, Mark Addy, Melisandre, Michael McElhatton, Michelle Fairley, Missandei, Nathalie Emmanuel, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Peter Dinklage, Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish, Ramsay Snow, Rickon, Robert Baratheon, Roose Bolton, Rory McCann, Samwell Tarly, Sandor "the Hound" Clegane, Sansa, Sean Bean, Shae, Sibel Kekilli, Sophie Turner, Theon Greyjoy, Tommen, TV, Tyrion Lannister, Tywin Lannister, Viserys, white walkers, wildling, winter is coming, winter is herebryanajparry

Nothing would surprise me were it to happen in season eight. Including: … Dany going schitz on power / refusing to bend the knee to Jon.

This post has some spoilers!!!!!

SPOILER-FREE REVIEWS?

I started this season of Game of Thrones intending to write spoiler-free reviews of each and every episode. Seven episodes, rather than the usual ten, means it should have been pretty easy. However, as you can tell, I gave up after episode three; in trying to write my episode four review, I simply found it impossible to not reveal stuff. Even not saying stuff says stuff. After all, if I suddenly stop mentioning a certain character, what conclusion would you draw? (Hmm, Bryan hasn’t mentioned Ned Stark for a bit…)

The lesson is that for season eight I will post full reviews, spoilers and all.

BEST MOMENTS?

Best episode of season seven had to be the final episode. Jaime has finally switched sides, apparently, which looked likely for a while now. Daenerys is still good, but is showing increasing signs of haughty regalitis. And we finally found out what we kind of knew already, ish, but which hadn’t been spelled out: John Snow is in fact a Targaryean, nephew of Daenerys, and the true heir to the Iron Throne. Just as this is officially revealed, we see Dany reveal her bits to John, just before they pump. So that’s going to be awkward over the coffee table in morning. The sight of an undead dragon destroying the wall was also a stand-out moment from the season.

That leads me to what I think was the most iconic, most “oh, nooo” moment of the whole season: Viserion the dragon becoming undead. As soon as we knew the dragons would be heading north, I was like, “Ooh, nooo”; one dying was always on the cards. Great moment, and we know that we are in store for some epic battles come season eight. Some people poo-pooed it by saying, ‘Erm, plothole! How could they get chains that big to drag the dead dragon!?’ To which my only answer is, ‘Erm, dragons you find believable, large metal chains not so much…?’

Other great moments include Leanna smugly telling Jaime that she dunnit. The captive undead spazzing out in front of Cersei. The capture of Ellaria Sand and her subsequent imprisonment by a mentally stable Cersei.

Many complained that this season was full-on with no development. But I don’t think that’s a bad thing; everything has been moved into place, and now we begin the rush to the end.

SEASON EIGHT?

Nothing would surprise me were it to happen in season eight. Including:

The white walkers taking over and destroying Westeros / the World.
Cersei winning, Jon and Daenerys dying.
Dany going schitz on power / refusing to bend the knee to Jon.
Ned Stark, or anyone of our other favourite dead characters, coming back in white walker form for an emotional, zombie-esque, ‘I don’t know if I can kill you! I still see the real you in that skelly shell!’ moment of emotional, heart-tugging drama.
Sam, in a kind of epilogue to the final episode of season eight, being the only one left alive, sat there Bilbo Baggins style with a pipe, now a very old man, explaining to the young hobbitses the true story of what happened. Y’know, the Song of Ice and Fire, as he will come to call it.
An apparently happy ending, with Sansa, Arya, Dany, and Jon co-ruling the seven kingdoms in peace, white walkers ended once and for all, slavery outlawed, feudalism abolished, a healthcare system free at the point of use guaranteed to all people of working age who pay a regular National Insurance contribution, and iPads for everyone — but just then, some crazy mothers from Essos appear in their ships on the horizon, dun dun dun! End of the world as we know it.
The Children of the Forest come back, Ewok-style, and fuck everyone’s shit up. After all, they made the white walkers to protect themselves from men! Perhaps they’ll be on the white walkers’ side.
The Dothraki go nuts and start raping and pillaging, as they are wont, which turns the layfolk against the Dany-Jon biumvirate, perhaps necessitating Jon or Sansa to backstab.
The good guys win a Pyrrhic victory; Westeros is so ruined by everything that there isn’t much of a world to rule over now. And the weakened Pyrrhic victors, Team Stark-Targaryean are left open to attack from foreign marauders.
Half the real life cast die in a kind of Munich Air disaster and/or nuclear war with North Korea means that we never get a proper final season eight.

I just hope whatever they do, it isn’t a perfect happy ending. I just think that would not suit the world that’s been built up. Even if things end “well” (= white walkers and Cersei being killed, some good guys staying alive), I can’t see everyone remaining unscathed. One or more of Dany, Jon, Arya, Sansa have to die, and die horribly. And the hard won peace must be on a knife-edge, some new danger suggesting itself.

As much as this series is based on mediaeval English history (War of the Roses and such), I keep thinking Alexander the Conqueror; single-handedly reshaped the world order, and for a brief moment there was the promise of westerners and easterners inter-marrying and becoming a single culture ruled forever by Alexander and his heirs in a sort of Pax Alexanderna — only for it to all fall apart at once and his generals squabble and split the empire up. That’s sort of how I see things moving.

In any case, a whole year or more for season eight! How am I going to cope?? Oh, hang on… 😎

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TV Review: Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 3 #GoTS7 #SpoilerSweats

August 3, 20174-5, episode review, TV#GoTS7, #SpoilerSweats, Aidan Gillen, Alfie Allen, Art Parkinson, Arya, Bran, Brienne of Tarth, Bronn, Carice van Houten, Catelyn Tully, Cersei Lannister, Charles Dance, Conleth Hill, D. B. Weiss, Daenerys Targaryen, David Benioff, Davos Seaworth, Dean-Charles Chapman, Eddard "Ned" Stark, Emilia Clarke, Game of Thrones, George R. R. Martin, GoT, Gwendoline Christie, Harry Lloyd, HBO, Isaac Hempstead-Wright, Iwan Rheon, Jack Gleeson, Jaime Lannister, Jerome Flynn, Joffrey, John Bradley, Jon Snow, Kit Harington, Lena Headey, Liam Cunningham, Lord Varys, Maisie Williams, Mark Addy, Melisandre, Michael McElhatton, Michelle Fairley, Missandei, Nathalie Emmanuel, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Peter Dinklage, Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish, Ramsay Snow, Rickon, Robert Baratheon, Roose Bolton, Rory McCann, Samwell Tarly, Sandor "the Hound" Clegane, Sansa, Sean Bean, Shae, Sibel Kekilli, Sophie Turner, Theon Greyjoy, Tommen, TV, Tyrion Lannister, Tywin Lannister, Viserys, white walkers, wildling, winter is coming, winter is herebryanajparry

Bran, of three-eyed raven fame, has turned up spouting yet more gibberish

Note: gotta say, I’m starting to struggle at keeping these reviews SPOILER FREE without being absurdly vague…

Episode 3 was the best of Season 7 so far. Not quite good enough to be a five star smash, but more exciting than eps 1 and 2. It’s entitled “The Queen’s Justice”, but which Queen? This was definitely an episode where powerful women had their say, shall we say. Indeed, the trend is continued whereby we are left in no doubt that the most powerful characters in Westeros are all women; perhaps a ploy from the writers to distract from the ample amount of bewbs present in the early series.

Cersei showed, once again, what a sadistic and calculating woman she can be. Daenerys is definitely starting to display more of that distinctly regal side. Somebody dies — but not before delivering a satisfying piece of revenge. There’s some top quality military outwitting going on. And, unfortunately, the most boring storyline of all made a showing: Bran, of three-eyed raven fame, has turned up spouting yet more gibberish; this plot thread better have a satisfying resolution.

I’m loving how the series is now zipping along. Now that most of the characters are dead, and the rest have all mostly hooked up, everything is happening in a handful of locations. It’s really starting to gear up for the great finale.

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TV Review: Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 2 #GoTS7 #SpoilerSweats

July 26, 20174-5, episode review, TV#GoTS7, #SpoilerSweats, Aidan Gillen, Alfie Allen, Art Parkinson, Arya, Bran, Brienne of Tarth, Bronn, Carice van Houten, Catelyn Tully, Cersei Lannister, Charles Dance, Conleth Hill, D. B. Weiss, Daenerys Targaryen, David Benioff, Davos Seaworth, Dean-Charles Chapman, Eddard "Ned" Stark, Emilia Clarke, Game of Thrones, George R. R. Martin, GoT, Gwendoline Christie, Harry Lloyd, HBO, Isaac Hempstead-Wright, Iwan Rheon, Jack Gleeson, Jaime Lannister, Jerome Flynn, Joffrey, John Bradley, Jon Snow, Kit Harington, Lena Headey, Liam Cunningham, Lord Varys, Maisie Williams, Mark Addy, Melisandre, Michael McElhatton, Michelle Fairley, Missandei, Nathalie Emmanuel, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Peter Dinklage, Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish, Ramsay Snow, Rickon, Robert Baratheon, Roose Bolton, Rory McCann, Samwell Tarly, Sandor "the Hound" Clegane, Sansa, Sean Bean, Shae, Sibel Kekilli, Sophie Turner, Theon Greyjoy, Tommen, TV, Tyrion Lannister, Tywin Lannister, Viserys, white walkers, wildling, winter is coming, winter is herebryanajparry

Happily, the show gets back to basics: by bringing us some hawt seks.

Note: this aims to be a spoiler-free episode review…

Episode 2, “Stormborn”, was exciting stuff! A lot happened. Daenerys showed yet more of the steeliness she flashed in episodes 7.1 and 6.10. She even presumptuously demands that someone else “bend the knee”. Theon, known to his close friends as “Reek”, gets an opportunity to showcase his newfound confidence and courage. Happily, the show gets back to basics: by bringing us some hawt seks. Well, naked bods, boobies and all, and a bit of heavy petting. And we witness everyone’s favourite (read: nobody’s favourite) Samwise Gamgee rip-off, err, Sam, perform a rather disturbing Cronenbergesque operation. There’s also a shocking bit of carnage to finish the episode. In short, everything Game of Thrones fans love and crave.

Also notable was just how slow pre-broadband Westerosi communications technology was. We see different people get news about various developments at vastly different times. It’s something we don’t think about, but was a key factor back then… in the Middle Ages(??)

On the downside, the funny-cum-disgusting camerawork shtick from Episode 7.1, which saw canteen food and sloppy chamber pots quickly intercut, was repeated in a different context in this episode. I hope this isn’t the start of meta, distracting, drawing-attention-to-itself direction. You can have too much of a good thing.

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TV Review: Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 1 #GoTS7 #SpoilerSweats

July 18, 20174-5, episode review, TV#GoTS7, #SpoilerSweats, Aidan Gillen, Alfie Allen, Art Parkinson, Arya, Bran, Brienne of Tarth, Bronn, Carice van Houten, Catelyn Tully, Cersei Lannister, Charles Dance, Conleth Hill, D. B. Weiss, Daenerys Targaryen, David Benioff, Davos Seaworth, Dean-Charles Chapman, Eddard "Ned" Stark, Emilia Clarke, Game of Thrones, George R. R. Martin, GoT, Gwendoline Christie, Harry Lloyd, HBO, Isaac Hempstead-Wright, Iwan Rheon, Jack Gleeson, Jaime Lannister, Jerome Flynn, Joffrey, John Bradley, Jon Snow, Kit Harington, Lena Headey, Liam Cunningham, Lord Varys, Maisie Williams, Mark Addy, Melisandre, Michael McElhatton, Michelle Fairley, Missandei, Nathalie Emmanuel, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Peter Dinklage, Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish, Ramsay Snow, Rickon, Robert Baratheon, Roose Bolton, Rory McCann, Samwell Tarly, Sandor "the Hound" Clegane, Sansa, Sean Bean, Shae, Sibel Kekilli, Sophie Turner, Theon Greyjoy, Tommen, TV, Tyrion Lannister, Tywin Lannister, Viserys, white walkers, wildling, winter is coming, winter is herebryanajparry

revenge is a dish best served cold.

Hmm, how to do a Game of Thrones episode review with no spoilers? Well, here we go.

Season 7 of the visual crack that is Game of Thrones kicked off yesterday. Unlike the last six seasons which had ten episodes apiece, this time we’ll get seven. But we’re promised they will be more epic than ever. I’m not disappointed, but actually really respect this decision: none of the old, ‘Well, we have to fill ten episodes, so let’s just stretch it all out a bit’. David Benioff and D. B. Weiss are clearly all about quality over quantity.

As for last night’s episode, it was no “Red Wedding”, but it was no “Lord Snow” either: it was solid, entertaining, and oh so tense. And it began with a truly arresting scene which was horrifying, brilliant, and delightful all at once. Let’s just say that revenge is a dish best served cold.

As for the rest of the episode, nothing much happened. But at the same time, a lot happened. Pieces got moved around the board, and the episode felt very much like the calm before the storm. Shit is about to go down, big time, and we were left in no doubt that this was the last moments before it all kicks off.

More than that, many possible future developments were hinted at: new alliances, old alliances fracturing. Very exciting.

On a weird side-note, one man band Ed Sheeran made a jarring cameo as a, erm, musician. And who was that beside him but Thomas “This Is England” Turngoose. I don’t know which was more distracting! Sheeran’s performance itself was actually alright and non-intrusive. But because the Twitterverse melted down beforehand, my attention was drawn to him: I couldn’t help but get tunnel vision and keep repeating in my own head “OMG! That’s ED SHEERAN!!!”. If no one had gone on about it beforehand, I probably wouldn’t have noticed it was him at all. Strangely, though, Sheeran got upset by the reactions to his cameo and has quit Twitter. I find it weird that a ridiculously talented, rich, adored singer would, at this stage, have such thin skin. But no worries: if you’re reading this, Ed, for I know you surely are, then chin up — you were no David “King Arthur” Beckham.